This is pretty funny!
Subject: History of the World - Part I
Division of the human family into two distinct political groups began
some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the
summer and would go to the beach and live on fish & lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization, and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less
skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
for the nightly BBQ and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal
men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as
"girliemen."
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers
in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule in baseball, because it wasn't "fair" to make
the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers,
corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who
works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies
hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe, when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.
And you thought history was boring
Subject: History of the World - Part I
Division of the human family into two distinct political groups began
some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the
summer and would go to the beach and live on fish & lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization, and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
forthem to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less
skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
for the nightly BBQ and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal
men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as
"girliemen."
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers
in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule in baseball, because it wasn't "fair" to make
the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers,
corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who
works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies
hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe, when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.
And you thought history was boring
