Well, its been almost 3 mo. since I really visited or posted here. And, after what happened the last time I was here, I feel some apologies are in order along with an explanation, so here goes.
Over the last half of last year my g/f and I were going through some problems. I kept feeling something was wrong or out of place, but was assured everything was fine. Well, the last weeks of November and the first week of December proved otherwise.
The week before Thanksgiving we start getting into a big argument...I'm doing this wrong, you're not doing this, etc. This carries on into and just past Thanksgiving. We finally sort things out somewhat, but I still have that weird feeling something is wrong. The next week and a half were very uneasy...almost like I was walking on eggshells. So comes the first whole week of December, when everything starts to come together.
On Dec. 5th, a Monday, I get a text message from her saying that she's not feeling well and she's going to bed early...no big deal. We've got nights without talking before, so I thought nothing of it (she lives 800 mi. away, making it a long-distance relationship). The next couple days are pretty quiet from her...she says she's still not feeling well. On Dec. 8th, a Thursday, she informs me she won't be able to make it for our Christmas trip we had planned to my mom's then back here. The reason behind this was family emergency, which required her to stay home and watch the house and dogs while the family traveled. This not only makes me upset but worries me too. The whole weekend was horrible because of not only this but the ongoing lack of communication from her.
That Sunday, Dec. 10th, I finally get some decent dialogue from her. Once I get home from work that night, everything is explained to me...and my world was shattered. She had an affair with another man back in April after spending some time with me just a few days prior. I didn't find out till that day in December. She found out she was pregnant in June with his baby. I didn't find out till then. That Mon. before, when she wasn't feeling well, she was admitted to the hospital to give birth to their son the next day. I didn't find out till then. All this was explained to me by her mom no less...over AIM no less...after it had all happened.
To say I was crushed would be an understatement. This was the woman I loved for nearly 4 yrs. The woman I sacrificed for, the woman I adored, the woman I would have done anything for. And I was treated like this. The ensuing months were an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. Fighting bouts of anger, depression, numbness, agony and even suicide seemed to fill my time, making everything else just background noise. Only now can I say that I'm making some headway. I have finally made some closure with her after the constant annoyances from her, esp. when she tried to pin the blame for the ending of our relationship on the baby and not her actions.
Am I alright now? I'm better than I was, but not as good as I want to be. Does it still hurt? Oh yeah, and I'm sure it will for a while more. Am I telling you guys and gals this to get some sympathy? No, only to explain what happened and my state of mind at the time.
With all this said, I'd like to apologize for my lashing out. My comments about this board were unfounded and I hope you all can forgive me for them. Take care everyone and I hope to hear from you guys soon.
Over the last half of last year my g/f and I were going through some problems. I kept feeling something was wrong or out of place, but was assured everything was fine. Well, the last weeks of November and the first week of December proved otherwise.
The week before Thanksgiving we start getting into a big argument...I'm doing this wrong, you're not doing this, etc. This carries on into and just past Thanksgiving. We finally sort things out somewhat, but I still have that weird feeling something is wrong. The next week and a half were very uneasy...almost like I was walking on eggshells. So comes the first whole week of December, when everything starts to come together.
On Dec. 5th, a Monday, I get a text message from her saying that she's not feeling well and she's going to bed early...no big deal. We've got nights without talking before, so I thought nothing of it (she lives 800 mi. away, making it a long-distance relationship). The next couple days are pretty quiet from her...she says she's still not feeling well. On Dec. 8th, a Thursday, she informs me she won't be able to make it for our Christmas trip we had planned to my mom's then back here. The reason behind this was family emergency, which required her to stay home and watch the house and dogs while the family traveled. This not only makes me upset but worries me too. The whole weekend was horrible because of not only this but the ongoing lack of communication from her.
That Sunday, Dec. 10th, I finally get some decent dialogue from her. Once I get home from work that night, everything is explained to me...and my world was shattered. She had an affair with another man back in April after spending some time with me just a few days prior. I didn't find out till that day in December. She found out she was pregnant in June with his baby. I didn't find out till then. That Mon. before, when she wasn't feeling well, she was admitted to the hospital to give birth to their son the next day. I didn't find out till then. All this was explained to me by her mom no less...over AIM no less...after it had all happened.
To say I was crushed would be an understatement. This was the woman I loved for nearly 4 yrs. The woman I sacrificed for, the woman I adored, the woman I would have done anything for. And I was treated like this. The ensuing months were an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. Fighting bouts of anger, depression, numbness, agony and even suicide seemed to fill my time, making everything else just background noise. Only now can I say that I'm making some headway. I have finally made some closure with her after the constant annoyances from her, esp. when she tried to pin the blame for the ending of our relationship on the baby and not her actions.
Am I alright now? I'm better than I was, but not as good as I want to be. Does it still hurt? Oh yeah, and I'm sure it will for a while more. Am I telling you guys and gals this to get some sympathy? No, only to explain what happened and my state of mind at the time.
With all this said, I'd like to apologize for my lashing out. My comments about this board were unfounded and I hope you all can forgive me for them. Take care everyone and I hope to hear from you guys soon.
. That bit of closure did wonders. And, you know, looking back I know I dodged a bullet...a big one. And I know there are better women out there...I've got my eye on two 
. The suicidal thoughts have been gone for a few weeks now and I am feeling better about everything. But those months were the darkest I have ever been through, and I wanted to share that with you guys so you would know why I snapped and where I've been and not think I've gone crazy. Albeit I already am though lol. I appreciate all your guys' support, it means a lot to me 
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