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  • Engineer's Christmas

    An old holiday favorite of mine. How an engineer looks at Christmas...

    There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

    Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

    Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

    This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

    The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

    600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance-this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

    Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa does exist, he's not human.

    Have a Merry Christmas!
    SOLD: 2002 Trans Am WS.6 - Black on Black - 6 Speed
    SLP Loudmouth Exhaust
    17K Miles

    2005 Acura TL - Silver on Black
    Navigation - Surround Audio - Bluetooth

  • #2
    I'm giving this to my 11 year old nephew... about time he learned
    Rhode Island Red *Lurker since 1997*

    2002 Firehawk #0035/1503 !Cags | !Air | !PCV | Airborn-coated Kooks LT's | Powerbond UD Pulley | Custom Cam | Ported Oil pump | LS2 timing chain | Comp 918's | Hardened push rods | LSS | BMR STB | SLP Bolt-on SFC's | drill mod |TB Bypass | Ported TB | Custom Dyno tuning | 160* thermostat | LS7 Clutch
    Ordered: May 1, 2001 Built: June 1, 2001 Delivered August 25, 2001
    pics and info

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    • #3
      Oh please, everyone knows that Santa travels at light speed. According to Einstein's therory of relativity time passes slower the nearer you reach the speed of light. So at 299,792,458 meters per second and time hardly passing it's a piece of cake.
      Tracy, 97 Formula, pretty much stock.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by BrdWAtti2d
        Oh please, everyone knows that Santa travels at light speed. According to Einstein's therory of relativity time passes slower the nearer you reach the speed of light. So at 299,792,458 meters per second and time hardly passing it's a piece of cake.
        That and objects become heavier as they approach the light speed threshold. Santa would reach critical mass by the time he hit light speed!

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        • #5
          Hmmm...

          I always heard Santa's sleigh was capable of warp 10 and therefore would occupy every point in space time simultaneously.

          That's how he does it.
          My DD
          2015 Lexus GS350 FSport

          My toy

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          • #6
            Originally posted by sneitzel
            Hmmm...

            I always heard Santa's sleigh was capable of warp 10 and therefore would occupy every point in space time simultaneously.

            That's how he does it.
            Hey the real enterprise in the last episode of Next Generation went warp 13.
            2002 Electron Blue Vette, 1SC, FE3/Z51, G92 3.15 gears, 308.9 RWHP 321.7 RWTQ (before any mods), SLP headers, Z06 exhaust, MSD Ignition Wires, AC Delco Iridium Spark Plugs, 160 t-stat, lots of ECM tuning

            1995 Z28, many mods, SOLD

            A proud member of the "F-Body Dirty Dozen"

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Jeff_in_Atl
              Hey the real enterprise in the last episode of Next Generation went warp 13.
              But they changed past in that episode so maybe that version of the enterprise didn't really exist....
              My DD
              2015 Lexus GS350 FSport

              My toy

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              • #8
                Originally posted by sneitzel
                But they changed past in that episode so maybe that version of the enterprise didn't really exist....
                No they changed the future to fix the past. Remember it was anti-time.
                2002 Electron Blue Vette, 1SC, FE3/Z51, G92 3.15 gears, 308.9 RWHP 321.7 RWTQ (before any mods), SLP headers, Z06 exhaust, MSD Ignition Wires, AC Delco Iridium Spark Plugs, 160 t-stat, lots of ECM tuning

                1995 Z28, many mods, SOLD

                A proud member of the "F-Body Dirty Dozen"

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                • #9
                  Yea that's it, Santa uses anti-time. He leaves the presents in the future and they magically appear on Christmas morning.
                  Tracy, 97 Formula, pretty much stock.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Jeff_in_Atl
                    No they changed the future to fix the past. Remember it was anti-time.
                    My brain hurts now. Thanks!
                    My DD
                    2015 Lexus GS350 FSport

                    My toy

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                    • #11
                      Whatever guys...

                      I heard he utilizes Knight Industries' Turbo Boost...seriously.


                      Christopher Teng

                      1999 · A4 · 3.73's · Auburn LSD · Whisper Lid · K&N · Pacesetter Headers/Y-pipe
                      Magnaflow Cat & Catback · MSD Coils/Wires · Bosch +4 Plugs · EGR Bypass
                      B&M SuperCooler · 160* Stat · Descreened MAF · SLP CAI · BMR STB & SFC
                      Strano Sways · Eibach Springs · Bilstein HD Shocks · Hawk-Pads · Brembo Blanks
                      Speedlines · Nitto 555s · Texas Speed Mail Tune

                      Lots of Weight Savings · Stubby Antenna · Corbeau TRS · Zaino · 273K

                      F-Body Dirty Dozen

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                      • #12
                        That is why he missed my house last year, Going to dam fast or he eat them funny cookies Jeff left out for him. Oh well maybe this year he will stop.
                        Blazer

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