shower like a woman

[RangerBob]

How to shower like a woman:


Take off clothing and place them in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror- make mental note to do more sit ups/ leg lifts,

Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to be sure it is clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in the shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a smalll country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

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How to shower like a man:


Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake weiner at her while making the "woo-woo" sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your weiner and scratch your a$$.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower

Spend majority of time washing private parts and surrounding areas.

Wash your butt, leaving coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of the shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice the water on the floor because shower curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire weiner size again in the mirror.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on the floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull towel off, shake weiner at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again.

Throw wet towel on her pillow and ....laugh as you fart again.

Have a great day! Oh....and woo woo!!

[Rhode Island Red]

another good one


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having any nookie tonight either.