and then the fight started...

[wolfdogs]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
So, I took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....
**************************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt".
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me"
and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
And then the fight started.....
*************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes" I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started.....
**************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....

[ConElite]

[Joe 1320]

[Wild Willy]

Mrs. Carmicheal looks out her kitchen window, and see her neighbor, Mrs. O'hara, coming down the street all battered and bruised. She rushes out to Mrs. O'Hara's aid, and says: "Oh, you poor dear- what happened?"

Mrs. O'Hara replies: " I was at the Doctor's office last week, and he asked me to bring a specimen- I didn't want to appear ignorant, so I asked Mrs. Smith what a specimen was- she said 'pee in a jar,' I said '$hit in your hat,' and that is when the fight started..."

Disclaimer- I am part Irish, as well as Scot and English- almost anything from the U.K. so I can tell this joke- heck, this could have been my grandmother, who was very sensitive to Irish slights- God rest ye, Dorothy Powers-

Besides, everbody knows a specimen is just a Russian astronaut-

[wolfdogs]

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's how the fight started.....