NFB:..need some help guys kinda lost

[Mike71]

so i know that no one here knows much about me because i kinda just lurk in the shadows and read the post's

i got to this board because i wanted to buy a 1970 split bumper from a friend..that feel through but i like the people here so i stayed esp wolfman..he is always patient

i am 19 a high school grad i work at lowes and at feuture ford so i work anywhere from 15-21 hrs a day (not much time to sleep but i will quit lowes soon as i get a car)

now for the problem..kinda hard to talk about this since i know alot of people will think i am just stupid. but oh well i meet a girl on the internet (yes yes i know stfu) she played MCO (motor city online) which i thought was awesome

anyways a long strung freindship insued we talked on the phone any chance we got that went on for over a year then i guess we kinda feel for each other and we started dating (as much as u can date being 3k miles apart im in cali shes in ohio) that was about a year ago....now she wants me to come meet her but i really dont know what to do...i think i am falling in love with her and it is kinda tearing my life apart because we live so far away

i make really good money for being 19..after taxs each month with the 2 jobs i take home roughly $5,200 so if i go there and i really do fall in love with her..what do i do??? i cant just leave all of this money behind can i?? but i cant be w.o the girl of my dreams can i??

i am really lost guys im not so good with this feelings stuff so i just dont know what to do i can not talk to anyone here because they probably wouldnt take me seriously (the juice cant have feelings lol)

any advice would be greatly apreciated..and if u are just going to call me a losser for meeting a girl on the web please sit on ur hands

Thanks guys
Mike Niles

[Black97]

Well I'm not Doctor Phil. ...

...but why don't you just go and meet her first before agonizing about it. Once you meet her in person, you can hopefully make an "educated" decision.

Money isn't everything and you can't buy happiness. You write that you work a lot of hours. GF's like to have some time spent with too, so you will not be able to work as much, ergo less $$.

Why should you move to Ohio? Couldn't she come to California? It's all about compromises too in a relationship.

Don't the companies you work for have stores, jobs in Ohio that you could transfer?

I grew up in Switzerland and my job brought me to Canada for several months. Met my wife here and I've been here in Canada now for over 13 years. Never thought I would stay over here before that.

[Z Ya Later]

I can definitely relate to you man. My g/f is in Tacoma, WA and we met online. I love it here in the S.F. Bay Area and really don't want to leave. Like Black97 said, meet her first. If she truly is the girl of your dreams, then it will work out. Either you can transfer or she could move out to CA. If you fly out to Ohio to visit her, whats to say she can't fly out ot CA to visit you. Feel it out man, don't jump ahead. I used to do the same thing and went through what you're going through now. Just take it slow, don't get caught up into anything you can't handle and be sure to look at the situation with a clear mind. If you do that, you won't have nearly as much to worry about as you think. Be calm and think...you'll do fine. Take care and feel free to ask anyone for help...most everyone on here will at least give you an ear.

[Mike71]

she can not move here because she is going to college to hopefully become and FBI agent..that is her dream

i am kinda affraid that if i meet her i will get attatched to her..then ill be screwed when i come home...

i can probably transfer to another lowes and probably get another job selling cars..i hate to say it but my dads reputation doesnt stretch much further then cali..so my fast track to general manager would be totaled...

i also know money cant buy happiness..but it seems everything in the past 8 months that has made me un-happy has been because of a lack of money lol

plus u can not buy a house and start a family w.o money guess u cant start a family w.o a wife either...sigh

[Z Ya Later]

What year of college is she in? Also, the FBI is out here also. Just because she is in Ohio doesn't mean you have to move, at least not right away anyways. Just take it slow man and see what happens. You both may end up moving somewhere else down the road. Don't get ahead of yourself just yet. Wait and see what happens.

[Mike71]

thanks for the advice...i guess ill just start by flying there in october (she gets a fall break or something)

[Dave M]

I agree, don't get ahead of yourself.

Don't be ashamed about meeting her online. There is still a bit of a stigma attached to it, but it's much more widely accepted now that the internet is a part of daily life. I met my wife online in 97 when the internet was still a bit of a novelty. I took all kinds of crap for that. We've been married for 4 years now.

I say meet her, then you can agonize over the decision. And realize that event hough you've talked on the phone for a year or more and have had countless conversations, you don't really know her yet. And you won't really know her after meeting her once. Think long and hard about such a big move, you won't really know her until you've spent years at her side, seeing her in her daily routine. Believe me I know.

And remember, if you do move to her, and she makes it into the FBI (not a sure thing, there is no school for the FBI, you can only major in things the FBI likes to have) her first assigment won't be in Washington DC, or Ohio, or likely even California. The FBI has an office in just about every semi-major city in the US, and new agents spend their first 2 years at one of those. Not that you should let that stuff stand in your way, if you truly love her you'd be willing to follow her anywhere, I'm just trying to warn you this likely wouldn't be your last move. And you aren't the first guy to anguish over career or girl. To me, if you're truly in love it wouldn't be that hard of a decision. (You can't be in love after only phone conversations, no matter what it feels like). Meet her, spend some time with her, then you'll be more informed to make a decision. And if you love her, the decision will be made for you.

[hotwhip9]

You got to meet her man! Similary story:

I got an IM one day saying "hey i like your car", i responded a few hours later saying thanks and what not, we just started talking. Turned out we where from the same town, only since im in the military i was in nc, where i am now. So after talking online for a while, then working our way to the phone it started getting better. It helped that we knew all the same people back home, she was good friends with my best friend, wierd i thought since i never met her. Well anyways deployment number 2 rolled around and i went home for a funeral the weekend before we left. She came over to the house and we hit it off, bad part about that i was leaving for iraq that week. Throughout the months over there it only grew stronger, felt like we've known each other forever. Today we stand deeply in love and contemplating marraige.

So, you have got to meet her to see how it goes! The distance is hard, i've done the iraq v ny, and the ny v nc like i am right now. You can make time, the time that is spent together is just that much more appreciated, and as an old saying goes "distance makes the heart grow fonder"

[RangerBob]

It looks like you are on divergent paths. Go meet a girl closer to you. There are a lot of them out there.

Your feelings for her will quickly disappear.

Been there, done that. Quit agonizing about it. Go meet some chicks.

[Mike71]

It looks like you are on divergent paths. Go meet a girl closer to you. There are a lot of them out there.

Your feelings for her will quickly disappear.

Been there, done that. Quit agonizing about it. Go meet some chicks.

LOL i do meet wemon (spent the entire weekend doing that gota love the denali lol) but i dunno.. seem to catch my attention like she does


and thanks for the stories guys...makes me feel like less of a rube

[NJSpeed]

It looks like you are on divergent paths. Go meet a girl closer to you. There are a lot of them out there.

Your feelings for her will quickly disappear.

Been there, done that. Quit agonizing about it. Go meet some chicks.

Im with you Bob lifes to short to get hung up on anything even if it is "love" Ive been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and i truly do love her we get along perfect but if we did break up id simpily move along which she has even said. Plenty of fish in the sea. Sounds to me that no other women catch your attention because your attention is on this girl from Ohio let it go and youll find another. just my 2 cents

[Dave M]

It's human nature to want what you can't have, and that may be what's happening here. She seems so great to you because she's inaccessible right now. You can still have that feeling of perfection about her. If you met her on the street in your own town, she might be one of those that don't catch your attention. Of course, I don't know your relationship with her, so you could very well have genuine feelings for her. But when it's you in that situation, it's almost impossible to tell what feelings you are actually feeling.

[Mike71]

It's human nature to want what you can't have, and that may be what's happening here. She seems so great to you because she's inaccessible right now. You can still have that feeling of perfection about her. If you met her on the street in your own town, she might be one of those that don't catch your attention. Of course, I don't know your relationship with her, so you could very well have genuine feelings for her. But when it's you in that situation, it's almost impossible to tell what feelings you are actually feeling.

i deffinantly can relate to what u are saying..i think that might be part of the problem. i think i dont trust my own judgement when it comes to her

[ConElite]

That is a good point man. Since your so fixated of this one girl, the thought about dating someone else and getting that same feeling for someone new/closer to home is not a possibility, and you have to realize that your young. I never had a childhood so that forced me to grow up quick. I was working at the age of 8, fixing car's with my father at the shop... I dont blame him and thank him now for making me what I am today. You have to realize that regardless of how much it hurts to not have that one girl/person in your life, you can make it. Its going to be painful but its possilbe.... but as everyone else said, go meet her. I was the same way. I wanted to move in with my lady so bad. And just this summer, my parents left on vacations. So considering i was "so in love," she always spent the night . It annoyed me so much in the way she was, the way she always wanted to hug,(keep in mind it was in the high 90's all night here in south California ) that we ended up breaking up and here I am.."chillin" so just take it slow man... serious... but good luck...