NFB: What do you guys do?

[Christopherrr]

...I just broke up with my current girlfriend...dated for 3 years and close to getting married. She broke up with me because of our differences...she likes to party and have fun...I'm fine just sitting at home working on my car. She says I don't get out much and that we won't be 22 forever so why not have fun...theres more to it...but because of our differences she called it quits.

I don't know...in a way I feel that I should get out more but I think partying is such a waste of time and money. I guess she feels the same about me spending so much time and money on my car...

I feel soo empty now guys...so broken. She has tried to enjoy what I enjoy...but I guess love is a 2 way street and I didn't even try to enjoy the things she did...

Man, I really screwed up guys...I've known her since the 6th grade, that's 11 years!!! and I flushed it down the toielt because I was too self centered to even consider her feelings...3 years guys...I THREW IT AWAY...

What should I do guys...fight for her back...or just let it go? I can't stand to see her even remotely being with someone else...I mean, she's smart, beautiful (I mean drop dead gorgeous) and just so fun to be with...and she loves me to death, but can't stand getting her heart broken time after time.

Man, I screwed up bad...the best thing going for me and my dumb self just let it slip...what should I do??? You really don't know what you have until it's gone...and man, it's gone now and I'm freaking losing it.

[TraceZ]

Cheer up. I once had my Fiance of 4 years dump me for the EXACT SAME reasons. She wanted to go out and have fun, I wanted to have a more responible calm life.

I'm glad it happenned now. I was devistated at the time. It took me 2 years to fully recover and finally be happy as a single guy. Enjoy your new found freedom. You will find a woman that fits you better eventually. Dont get too upset over it.

It's not the end of the world, man. Most people go through heart-ache at some point and we all live to tell about it. You too will be glad it happenned some day when you are with your new wife and kids thinking back on the past. There is nothing that could make me give up what I have now to go back to that old girlfriend.

[lt1maro]

First off you are right about the love being a two way street. My girlfriend and i are sorta like you and your girlfriend however we are flip flopped in the sense that i really like to go out and party when my girlfriend likes to take things easy most of the time. My girl is extremely cute too, however she hates when i spend time and or money on my car. We have been together for three years also but the thing that keeps us together is the fact that she respects the things i like and i respect the things that she likes. Even though my girlfriend absolutely hates it when i drive fast, when she sees a mustang next to me at a stop light, sometimes she will say to me in the sweetest voice "its okay Fabian you can go" . That is one of the ways that i know she loves me because she is willing to sacrifice what she wants to make me happy. So you should have at least tried to make an effort to try to step into the world of your girlfriend, especially if she tried to be a part of yours.

[Christopherrr]

First off you are right about the love being a two way street. My girlfriend and i are sorta like you and your girlfriend however we are flip flopped in the sense that i really like to go out and party when my girlfriend likes to take things easy most of the time. My girl is extremely cute too, however she hates when i spend time and or money on my car. We have been together for three years also but the thing that keeps us together is the fact that she respects the things i like and i respect the things that she likes. Even though my girlfriend absolutely hates it when i drive fast, when she sees a mustang next to me at a stop light, sometimes she will say to me in the sweetest voice "its okay Fabian you can go" . That is one of the ways that i know she loves me because she is willing to sacrifice what she wants to make me happy. So you should have at least tried to make an effort to try to step into the world of your girlfriend, especially if she tried to be a part of yours.

yeah...she does the same thing...she hates me driving fast, but she lets me squeeze in a few ...After we broke she said to drive safe...

tracy, i'm hearing you too...but man, there isn't one girl that i've met or dated that compares to her...soooo innocent, so pure hearted...

maybe i should give it shot to win her back...at least even if I fail, I know I tried...

[Jeff_in_Atl]

Your lucky about one thing. There are thousands of girls in the Atlanta area. Playboy did a contest a few years ago and they ranked Atlanta as the #1 town for good looking women. Just stay away from Buckhead. What a meat market.

What is that saying. Let it go, if it comes back, it was meant to be. Or something like that. My X wife liked to party. That got old. Then she wanted to stay after I had to go because of work. let's just say it got worse. That is no life.

I met my wife here http://personals.yahoo.com/ don't laugh. It really broadens the field. Not to mention, more than likely, if they use a computer, there not that dumb.

[Joe 1320]

Interesting how in the beginning stages of a relationship, people focus on what is common between them and the later stages become a contest of differences. The reason? Blindness...... Fundimental differances should be discovered immediatly, not long after a relationship has formed. To me, it sounds like you two had different goals and priorities and that would be doomed for failure. Be overjoyed it wasn't AFTER you said "I do." Then it would have REALLY cost you. You have lots of opportunity ahead of you, don't look behind.

[ONLNTM5]

What is it about the partying that she likes and you don’t like? Most girls just like to drink a couple of drinks to relax, and then dance for the rest of the night. A lot of them even like to dance with their girlfriends and will even let you join in. Now that is pretty fun if you ask me, especially if the girls are hot. Partying is not what life is all about though, and neither is cars. If you truly love her, then she may be worth fighting for, but only if she truly loves you.
Out of curiosity, she doesn’t happen to take antidepressants does she. The reason that I ask, is that a lot of people take them nowadays, and I know that they can actually make you want to drink and party more than you normally would. They actually enhance the effects of the alcohol, and all of the positive energy in night clubs, and loud music can become quite addicting.
Anyway, it sounds like you need someone who doesn’t like to party all of the time and she needs someone who does. Its a sad situation, but maybe she will come to her senses and come back. In the mean time, since life is putting you down, the best way to fight back is a form of revenge that I like to call "success". In other words "the best revenge IS success". Get out and mingle, or whatever you do, but be successful at it.

[hotwhip9]

I'd take it as better now than later. Looking back at advice given from me from other people, that have been in those same shoes. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, I've proved that theory while in Iraq. Me and my fiance are sort of the same, house bums. I'm not too big into the party scene, i don't see the point, but i can go to a friends, grill for the day and be really drunk by the next morning. That is a very rare occasion though. She doesnt see the point in it either, partying all the time. After some of my friends noticed im not like the typical guy in the 82nd airborne, they dont say AA (all american) doesn't stand for alcoholics anonymous for nothing! I've gotten a lot of people to calm down with the partying after they think about it. strange, how i think its the 24 hour shoppette here on bragg, that sells more alcohol than anywhere in the state.

[Nightrage]

I'm gonna go against what everyone else is saying. You seem to really love this girl a lot. We don't know her like you do so if you think she's worth changing for and going after than she probably is. If you think you took her for granted and that's the only reason that she left you than you should talk things out with her. A lot of people are saying to just move on and find a better looking girl but that's probably not a very good idea. I think that there are much better looking women around but i could care less because i love my girlfriend. If you really love this girl than it doesn't matter if a supermodel starts hitting on you. You love this girl and and you feel she's the only person that you want to be with and that you really want to marry her than go get your woman back man! You've known her for an awful long tie so you guys have to have something good between you. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Christopherrr]

thanks for the input guys...it really means a lot to me. As of now, it doesn't look to good...for some reason, I believe her friends are behind this...or somewhat.

I don't know...just a lil confused...believe me, I won't let 11 years of my life go to waste over something I did or didn't do...

I'ma sleep on it...hopefully, I'll have a clear head tomorrow.

[Z Ya Later]

I'm sorry to hear that man. Sleeping on it would be a good thing. The pain is going to be there for a while no matter what the outcome, as much as I hate to say it. If you do get back together with her, just don't let the pain influence you. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to keep calm and think things through. What Joe said about being blind is completely true. As nice as it is to look at the common interests that draws you together, you must look at the uncommon interests also. Looking at these and seeing how important they are to you, if you can live with them and what either of you would be willing to change is crucial. If you're a praying man, be in prayer. If you two are meant to be, then it will happen. Just remember, sometimes its not the person but the time. I hope everything will work out. Feel free to drop me a line if you need someone to talk to. Take care.

[02Z28]

kinda just sounds like you're an introvert and she's an extravert, and neither of you are willing to change, or even meet in the middle.

it's not bad to be one or the other.....here's some info on the subject: Introverts and Extraverts

the world needs both types of people, not just one or the other.....find out which one you are, and accept it, or you'll end up being really unhappy/confused until you do.

i'm an introvert myself....i can handle being around people as long as i know them, but when i get around a bunch of people i don't know, i tend to freak out (in my mind, at least....not visibly). i can go to an amusement park, or go out to play pool, things like that don't bother me, especially when someone i know goes along....but when i go to a party or family reunion or something similar where there's a bunch of people around that i don't know and everyone is trying to socialize with everyone else, it kinda freaks me out. about the only time i feel somewhat comfortable socializing is when i'm a bit inebriated and i'm around one or two people i know

but to answer your question about what you should do, only you can decide that. you can either stay the same and try to find someone else who is like you, or you can change to try to keep your current g/f....the choice is yours to make

[95TransAm]

Hey,
I'm sorry to hear of your losses and i hope everything will work out for your best in the end, but i suggest to give yourself a little time to think about things. Like you, i too sadly have been down that road, and it sucks ...no way to go around it. What you need to do though is realize what your rerlationship was, like i did which took way longer than i wanted to after my first love was gone. When we are in relationships, we like what we have because that significant other makes us feel a certain way. Those feelings trigger emotions, and create us to get attached to that certain person. In the beginning, it's all about the positives and what 2 have in common, which can create certain feelings and emotions as well. As time goes on, more of the indifferences will come out, and people can get a little bit easier frustrated with the other, but our minds at the same time will cling on to those feelings and emotions we have experienced with that person, thus wanting nothing to change. As some more time goes on, more variables in the relationship can come out, which can ultimately effect whether or not the relationship will work out. Some times it can take a year for this to happen, sometimes ten, that's all in the game of love. Sometimes this doesn't happen, meaing the search for a soulmate has ended.

The point to what i just said was to think for a second, and realize what you are missing and will miss the most in the time to come. Are you missing her, or those feelings that went along with your relationship.
Keep in mind, there are many other girls that can make you feel a certain way, that's the whole point of a relationship. But if you truly miss her, you'll know. If she was the one you wanted to walk down the aisle with, then no other girl should have been a temptation to you. If she was the one, than you 2 were extremely compatible with each other, more than just lovers, but best friends as well. Someone who you could share interests with, and someone who actually cared about what you had to say. Someone who made you feel good during a bad day, someone you looked forward to seeing because you know it would brighten up your day. Keep in mind, when you say marriage, this is the rest of your life. I'm sure you would want it to be with someone that you can get somewhat along with ...you'd be surprised how blind love can make us get.
It may sound silly, but you'd be surprised how many people i know have gotten over a relationship by realizing something like this.

If she's the one, go for her, and in the end, you two will get back together because she is the one, and nothing can ever come in between that.

You said she had a different lifestyle, partying, etc....and you are the more conservative type. That is a major personality difference, and there could be more things that stem in to a difference of lifestyle that would make the relationship not work.

You said also her friends could be up to it also....keep in mind girls constantly give guys tests and play mind tricks to try and manipulate us to their standards. Don't think about this as much, think about what's blatently in front of you. If she's so influenced by her friends that she would give up true love 'cuz her friends think otherwise, then this is a girl that obviously has popularity/conformity issues.

Keep in mind, comforting words and a strong bond which make us feel good can also come from a good friend, not just a lover. Like i said, you'd be surprised how blind love can make us.
Try and see things clearly (as extremely hard as it may be) before you make any decisions.

Remember, you're 22, you got a long way to go...make sure the path you choose is with someone who isn't knockin' you off of it

Good luck and best of wishes to you, hope everything works out

[Christopherrr]

it helps to have people with clear heads help...I guess I do have to sit on it for awhile and see what cracks out...man, it's no lie about it being hard. I didn't get one lick of sleep lastnight...

thanks guys..again.

[Trans Am]

I d leave any girl if she gets between me and my car in a heartbeat. I did that several times , they always come back.
Maybe I m crazy, surely I m obsessed with my car ...I cant help it.

cheer up