fridayfunnie

[wolfdogs]

The angry preacher...
>
>
> The angry preacher...
>
> The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has
spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and
one
which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do
not
intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and
ask
forgiveness from God and this Christian family!"
>
> No one moved.
>
> The preacher continued, " Do you not have the nerve to face me and
admit
this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart
you
will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!"
>
> Again all was quiet.
>
> Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop
rose
from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she
spoke.
>
> "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
> I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan.
> I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets."

[Formulaboy95]

I got one too

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Timmy Shaughnessy? Yes,

Father, it is.

And, who was the woman you were with?

I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.

Well, Timmy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell
me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley? I cannot say.

Was it Patricia Kelly?

I'll never tell.

Was it Sheilah O'Brien?

I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.

Was it Kathleen Morgan?

My lips are sealed.

Was it Fiona Grogan, then?

Please, Father, I cannot tell you.

The priest sighs in frustration. You're a steadfast lad, Timmy Shaughnessy,
and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend
church mass for three months. Be off with you now. Timmy walks back to his
pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, What'd you get?

Three month's vacation and five good leads.

[Steel2686]

These are too funny. Here's another....

Pete and Joe were best friends from childhood. Both had become old men, and made a pact that whoever died first would contact the other from Heaven. One day, Joe died. Pete was getting ready for bed a few weeks later when he suddenly heard Joe's voice calling him.

Joe - "Hey, Pete... it's me, Joe. You are going to love it up here!"

Pete - "How so? What's it like?"

Joe - "Well, actually I have some good news and some bad news."

Pete - "Okay. Give me the good news first."

Joe - "It's great! All of our childhood friends are up here, we are all young men, and we play baseball everyday."

Pete - "That's great to hear! What could the bad news possibly be?"

Joe - "You're pitching Tuesday."

[wolfdogs]

LOL..........

thanks guys... makin my morning here!

[Steel2686]

Good thread, Ken. We should make this a Friday regular.

Here's one more...

A gentleman was set-up on a blind date by friends of his. He had been burned several times in the past, so he created a list of three questions to ask all of his blind dates.

He met a lovely young woman at the restaurant and explained his reasoning for asking such direct questions right away. She was okay with it.

First question - "Did you graduate high school?" "With honors" she explained.

Second question - "Ever smoke pot?" "Been clean all my life" she responded.

Last question - "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" She replied "No, but I've been swung around by the ankles."