Is this really a big deal?

[LS1 TA]

So I get a text message yesterday at work asking if I told my buddy that she got upset? To which I replied, Yes. Opening another can of worms. Anyrate, I got off work she left to go somewhere and when she got back all was calm again. We had dinner, my friend came over, we watched TV for a bit, then I went to my basketball game. When I got back my side of the closet had been cleaned up, and she was somewhat pleasant to talk to. This morning my lunch was made, which she does anyway, but I wasn't really expecting. So about this talk I was supose to have with her, we have had it a few times. This is not the first time ending it has come about. But everytime we say its over the next day all is well for the most part. Its just that she turns little things into huge things, which is why I think all is normally well the next day. But after going through this so many times I start to carless about how she feels becuase she's so touchy about small stuff. But I do love her and don't want to go. Bummer.

[Steel2686]

So I get a text message yesterday at work asking if I told my buddy that she got upset? To which I replied, Yes. Opening another can of worms. Anyrate, I got off work she left to go somewhere and when she got back all was calm again. We had dinner, my friend came over, we watched TV for a bit, then I went to my basketball game. When I got back my side of the closet had been cleaned up, and she was somewhat pleasant to talk to. This morning my lunch was made, which she does anyway, but I wasn't really expecting. So about this talk I was supose to have with her, we have had it a few times. This is not the first time ending it has come about. But everytime we say its over the next day all is well for the most part. Its just that she turns little things into huge things, which is why I think all is normally well the next day. But after going through this so many times I start to carless about how she feels becuase she's so touchy about small stuff. But I do love her and don't want to go. Bummer.

Just be careful. Things she seemingly let's go of are bottled up inside. She's remembering everything, but she's remembering them from her side of the story. It's real important you talk to her anyway, even if she seems like everything is cool. Make your case known.

[sneitzel]

My ex fiance would do exactly the same thing. As far as she was concerned Hooters was the 8th plane of hell only surpassed by strip clubs which were the 9th. She even made it known that if my batchelor party had anything to do with scantily clad women and she found out I would be very lonely standing up at the alter. I'm not the type of guy who frequents strip clubs, in fact I can easly count on both hands the #of times I have been in the past 10 years (and that includes 3 B parties for other friends). But I do enjoy Hooters. People laugh when I tell them this but I really do like their food. In fact I have on many occasions called in to-go orders and had a buddy pick them up on their way to the house to watch whatever sporting event or other event we were gathering for. I really had a hard time being told I was doing something wrong by eating there.

To me this sounds like the case where some women (and some men for that matter) think that being in a relationship means you spend time with them, only them and any other friends you had before are gone. We've all had those friends who disappear once they're in a serious relationship or get married. It sounds like she is OK with you going out with the guys but does she go out with the girls? Does she have girl friends she talks to regularly? I am a firm believer in the concept of alone time. Every couple needs some time when they go out and do fun stuff whthout their spouse. I think that is one of the most healthy things about a good relationship. If you're doing that and she's not that could be an issue as well.

I have to second all the suggestions to talk to her. In my book, you're already on the right track by identifying there is a problem and being smart enough to know it's not going to just go away. Plus, the fact that she is calmer now may be a good thing. At least now you're starting from calm when you're having your talk vs. starting from already pissed off.

Best of luck.


PS
My relationship did end up breaking up beacause we did not/could not talk about the issues we had.

[LS1 TA]

My ex fiance would do exactly the same thing. As far as she was concerned Hooters was the 8th plane of hell only surpassed by strip clubs which were the 9th. She even made it known that if my batchelor party had anything to do with scantily clad women and she found out I would be very lonely standing up at the alter. I'm not the type of guy who frequents strip clubs, in fact I can easly count on both hands the #of times I have been in the past 10 years (and that includes 3 B parties for other friends). But I do enjoy Hooters. People laugh when I tell them this but I really do like their food. In fact I have on many occasions called in to-go orders and had a buddy pick them up on their way to the house to watch whatever sporting event or other event we were gathering for. I really had a hard time being told I was doing something wrong by eating there.

To me this sounds like the case where some women (and some men for that matter) think that being in a relationship means you spend time with them, only them and any other friends you had before are gone. We've all had those friends who disappear once they're in a serious relationship or get married. It sounds like she is OK with you going out with the guys but does she go out with the girls? Does she have girl friends she talks to regularly? I am a firm believer in the concept of alone time. Every couple needs some time when they go out and do fun stuff whthout their spouse. I think that is one of the most healthy things about a good relationship. If you're doing that and she's not that could be an issue as well.

I have to second all the suggestions to talk to her. In my book, you're already on the right track by identifying there is a problem and being smart enough to know it's not going to just go away. Plus, the fact that she is calmer now may be a good thing. At least now you're starting from calm when you're having your talk vs. starting from already pissed off.

Best of luck.


PS
My relationship did end up breaking up beacause we did not/could not talk about the issues we had.

She goes out about once a week. She likes to dance and stuff, so I let her go to the club/bar with her lady friends and get her "dance on". She is a real pretty girl and I know guys hit on her, but I trust her. I just expect the same in return.

[Steel2686]

She goes out about once a week. She likes to dance and stuff, so I let her go to the club/bar with her lady friends and get her "dance on". She is a real pretty girl and I know guys hit on her, but I trust her. I just expect the same in return.

This sounds like something that can be worked out. It's good she goes out with friends on her own. It shows you trust her, and watching the kids I'm sure is appreciated. My wife goes out with her friend at least once a week. I put the kids to bed and hang out at home. She never used to do things like that and she was more tense about me going out.

I made her have a girls night every week just to release some tension. You two will be fine as long as you talk everything out. Get to the root of the issue and your future looks even better.

[LS1 TA]

This sounds like something that can be worked out. It's good she goes out with friends on her own. It shows you trust her, and watching the kids I'm sure is appreciated. My wife goes out with her friend at least once a week. I put the kids to bed and hang out at home. She never used to do things like that and she was more tense about me going out.

I made her have a girls night every week just to release some tension. You two will be fine as long as you talk everything out. Get to the root of the issue and your future looks even better.

Thanks for the encouragement, and I hope all does go well. It just seems that when we argue over the small stuff, it's a double standards issue. The things I do that push her over the edge are all things she has done in the past that don't bother me in the least. When we get into our fights I bring these things up, she insists that I am rubbing it in her face and that I am just out to get her by paying her back. I have tried to tell her that it is possible for two people to love each other, but not be compatible for this type of serious relationship.

[Joe 1320]

Ya know...... there is one issue that hasn't been touched on. Everyone has been giving suggestions based on no medical issue. There is the possibility of being Bipolar. My ex-wife had a touch of that, I had another girlfriend that had a bigger touch of that and man does your description sound familiar. Not saying that is the problem, but one cannot ignore any one possibility.

[LS1 TA]

Ya know...... there is one issue that hasn't been touched on. Everyone has been giving suggestions based on no medical issue. There is the possibility of being Bipolar. My ex-wife had a touch of that, I had another girlfriend that had a bigger touch of that and man does your description sound familiar. Not saying that is the problem, but one cannot ignore any one possibility.

There are different stages/levels of bipolarism? She takes some kind of anti depressant. She has been married before and her husband was in a fatal car accident. From talking with her though it seems she may have had the same kind of issues with him aswell.

[Steel2686]

There are different stages/levels of bipolarism? She takes some kind of anti depressant. She has been married before and her husband was in a fatal car accident. From talking with her though it seems she may have had the same kind of issues with him aswell.

Absolutely.

My sister-in-law takes an anti-depressant. She has a very minor case, but they've had to up her meds depending on situations. She should really see a doctor on a fairly regular basis.

[raroZ28]

Ya know...... there is one issue that hasn't been touched on. Everyone has been giving suggestions based on no medical issue. There is the possibility of being Bipolar. My ex-wife had a touch of that, I had another girlfriend that had a bigger touch of that and man does your description sound familiar. Not saying that is the problem, but one cannot ignore any one possibility.

I was thinking the same thing. My ex suffered from depression/bi polar. Not pleasant to deal with. It seems that most girls that act like that are very sad.

[Joe 1320]

She takes some kind of anti depressant. She has been married before and her husband was in a fatal car accident. From talking with her though it seems she may have had the same kind of issues with him aswell.

Uh oh. Are there different levels? Yes..... anywhere from mild to wild. One girlfriend I mentioned drove me nuts. I could talk to her on the phone at 3:00 PM and life was great. By the time I got home at 5:30 she was like a wild animal and pissed off at me for no apparent reason. I often wondered what the heck happenend from 3:00 to 5:30 to cause such turmoil. Turns out the mood swings were simply unmanageable. It led to her attacking me physically one day, rest assured that was her last day associated we me. I was about to cut her loose anyway, she merely expedited the issue. She subsequently attacked someone else (with a sword), wound up in jail where she attacked the doctor examining her, she attacked a deputy and ultimately had to be subdued with a K-9 unit and two deputies. She turned out to be a nut job that most of the time looked and acted normal.

There are different levels of severity that require different medications depending on what the imbalance is. Any idea what medication she is on? That can tell you a considerable amount.

[LS1 TA]

Uh oh. Are there different levels? Yes..... anywhere from mild to wild. One girlfriend I mentioned drove me nuts. I could talk to her on the phone at 3:00 PM and life was great. By the time I got home at 5:30 she was like a wild animal and pissed off at me for no apparent reason. I often wondered what the heck happenend from 3:00 to 5:30 to cause such turmoil. Turns out the mood swings were simply unmanageable. It led to her attacking me physically one day, rest assured that was her last day associated we me. I was about to cut her loose anyway, she merely expedited the issue. She subsequently attacked someone else (with a sword), wound up in jail where she attacked the doctor examining her, she attacked a deputy and ultimately had to be subdued with a K-9 unit and two deputies. She turned out to be a nut job that most of the time looked and acted normal.

There are different levels of severity that require different medications depending on what the imbalance is. Any idea what medication she is on? That can tell you a considerable amount.

Only Zoloft. She doesn't get crazy at all, she has mood swings but nothing totally off the wall. 95% of the time she's the nicest person on the planet. She's the one that bought me my baby(the TA).

[Steel2686]

Only Zoloft. She doesn't get crazy at all, she has mood swings but nothing totally off the wall. 95% of the time she's the nicest person on the planet. She's the one that bought me my baby(the TA).

My sister-in-law takes Zoloft. It treats mild cases. Mostly mood swings. It makes tense situations a little more manageable for the person. Just listen to the old Rolling Stones song, "Mother's Little Helper". That gives a good idea of what it's about.

[Joe 1320]

My sister-in-law takes Zoloft. It treats mild cases. Mostly mood swings. It makes tense situations a little more manageable for the person.

To some degree that is true, however there are other things that it is used for. Primarily it is designed to help with the chemical imbalance that exists in the neuro transmitters so that a person experiences more normal emotional responses. It is something that has a cumulative effect, it's not something you can just start and stop, it takes time to build up in the system for the effect to get into full swing. Hopefully it's something that she doesn't start and stop as the mood strikes. Some report side effects, other report that it just helps take the "edge" off their moods. The big problem is that the drug is used to treat symptoms and rarely is anything ever done to treat the cause. There needs to be continual active counseling to address the causes.

[ConElite]

I know I'm a little late and Yes A bit younger but In all honestly, Regardless of her being really nice, Why in earth would you even live with her. OK she had some Problems b/c of her husband dying but what you should do is Get Your Own Apartment. That should help out alot. I was with my Ex for almost 3 years and even then when she was going to move out and I suggested her moving in, and I still told her no b/c i thought about it. Your Young Bro, You seem like a pretty smart guy, So why do u feel you need the mental support of a girlfriend in ur house. Is it simply the convenience? B/c if its that then that will come at a price, b/c if you wait to long and you guys break up, Your going to be paying for those kids. I listen to Tom Lykis alot. Im a Lykis 101 grad, and Its not a good idea Dating a single mother. One more thing. You 2 are not married to technically your still single, So (this always amazes me) why in all that is mighty do people put up with this kind of crap. Seriously if you think about it, WHY put up with it. Its called Growing some OO. Sorry for the mental picture but yeah. I understand all about being Young dumb and stupid but now your stuck sitting there taking care of Her kids while she's out there grinding on some stranger. I hate to be harsh and rude but its the truth.
I KNOW everyone is going to jump on me and thats fine but Sometimes the reality behind everyone's sugar coated stories is the best thing. I had more than one encounter with this. I was with that girl for 3 years. Never once cheated on her, I had all the trust in the world for her. Granted she never did anything more than just "dance" when she went out. I had no problem with it at all b/c I would go out with my boys all the time. We had a very open relationship but then just started getting out of control and she would begin to snap b/c I didnt listen to her all the time. She had some mild depression and Bipolar crap so you know We parted. I mean we went threw alot but nothing and I mean nothing is worth messing your mind up over someone like that.