Is this really a big deal?

[raroZ28]

I know I'm a little late and Yes A bit younger but In all honestly, Regardless of her being really nice, Why in earth would you even live with her. OK she had some Problems b/c of her husband dying but what you should do is Get Your Own Apartment. That should help out alot. I was with my Ex for almost 3 years and even then when she was going to move out and I suggested her moving in, and I still told her no b/c i thought about it. Your Young Bro, You seem like a pretty smart guy, So why do u feel you need the mental support of a girlfriend in ur house. Is it simply the convenience? B/c if its that then that will come at a price, b/c if you wait to long and you guys break up, Your going to be paying for those kids. I listen to Tom Lykis alot. Im a Lykis 101 grad, and Its not a good idea Dating a single mother. One more thing. You 2 are not married to technically your still single, So (this always amazes me) why in all that is mighty do people put up with this kind of crap. Seriously if you think about it, WHY put up with it. Its called Growing some OO. Sorry for the mental picture but yeah. I understand all about being Young dumb and stupid but now your stuck sitting there taking care of Her kids while she's out there grinding on some stranger. I hate to be harsh and rude but its the truth.
I KNOW everyone is going to jump on me and thats fine but Sometimes the reality behind everyone's sugar coated stories is the best thing. I had more than one encounter with this. I was with that girl for 3 years. Never once cheated on her, I had all the trust in the world for her. Granted she never did anything more than just "dance" when she went out. I had no problem with it at all b/c I would go out with my boys all the time. We had a very open relationship but then just started getting out of control and she would begin to snap b/c I didnt listen to her all the time. She had some mild depression and Bipolar crap so you know We parted. I mean we went threw alot but nothing and I mean nothing is worth messing your mind up over someone like that.

I agree with a lot of what you said, but to some people, like me, getting an apartment is out of the question. Not the best place to put your money.

Con is right, she's out grindin some stranger at the club, regardless of what she says, that's what girls do at clubs. they get drunk, a guy walks up, they go with it, whatever. maybe that's why she is so insecure, because of things that she does.

dude, she sounds just like my ex. She would say the same thing. I'd tell her i was tired of her double standard bs, and that she does the same things all the time, and she would say "Oh is that why you're doing it? to get back at me? " blah blah blah, same as yours man.

Insecurity sucks

[Joshu]

Does anyone here think that insecurity is on the rise because the way our society works these days? Nobody trusts their neighbor like they did years ago (like 20+). Our gov't surely doesn't trust many nations, not many nations trust us. Infedility is on the rise. Divorce rate. Scams. Identity fraud. Politicians. Of course these things existed before, but in today's world they are much more visable. Provactive music and clothing more prevalent than years before.

I think that it just isn't the person, but the enviroment that one lives in.

[MikeE24]

I think joe may be on something with the bipolar thing. I dated a girl that had it once and it sucks. Funny thing is she worked at a hooters tho so that kind of thing wasn't a big deal.

[Wild Willy]

I am in agreement with the "mood swing" thing, and the insecurity. Been there, done that. The real question is "do you want to live like this?" More than likely, it isn't going to change. You called here posessive, I might say "controlling" The insecurity causes this behavior, to be secure, they need to know where you are, every second, know what you are doing, what you are saying, to who.... Gets old pretty quick.
IF you are willing, and able to suck it up, you might be able to make it work. Might be able, it really is up to her. Back her into a corner, and she will probably admit she "has a problem, trusting men" or some such- making her problem your problem- you will most likely never have control over her moods, or actions, and neither will she.
I dated a woman like this for quite a while, was willing to put up with it because, when it was good, it was very, very good. Went to couselling, the whole route. I did everything I could to keep it going, but, utimately, you are subject to her whims and moods. By the time she realizes you are for real, and serious about making things work, that may be enough to scare her off. I doubt if I could ever put my heart and trust in such a woman again- just a warning for you, I am not telling you how to live, just hoping that your eyes are wide open-

[LS1 TA]

Well everything that has been said in this thread is true and it's good to have people that have been through the exact same thing giving advice. I have set in motion, what I believe, is the best way to end things peacefully. I have to be real careful how it ends because it's not just the two of us involved; It's the two of us, 3 children, her parents, and my parents as well. I appreciate all the input and hopefully things go well or end well.

[Steel2686]

Well everything that has been said in this thread is true and it's good to have people that have been through the exact same thing giving advice. I have set in motion, what I believe, is the best way to end things peacefully. I have to be real careful how it ends because it's not just the two of us involved; It's the two of us, 3 children, her parents, and my parents as well. I appreciate all the input and hopefully things go well or end well.

You have a good head on your shoulders. Thinking of the kids is real important. There are so many people who would just walk out, not caring how the kids are affected. I'm still hoping you pull through this and she gets help, especially for hers and the kids sake. If not, you definitely need to think about your own happiness going forward.

Good luck.

[Joe 1320]

Well everything that has been said in this thread is true and it's good to have people that have been through the exact same thing giving advice. I have set in motion, what I believe, is the best way to end things peacefully. I have to be real careful how it ends because it's not just the two of us involved; It's the two of us, 3 children, her parents, and my parents as well. I appreciate all the input and hopefully things go well or end well.

Best of luck mi amigo. Situations like this can really tax your energy and emotions. Been there and done that.

[ConElite]

And this is why I learn very much from everyone else's mistakes and not date any single mothers and Be with a girl for a long time before ever considering to live together. (Then Again In So. Cal. its a whole different story) ha ha ha
Good luck Bro. Be safe b/c after some of the stories i read on this post, Its dangerous

[JeffM]

Unless you want to be miserable the rest of your life - I'd have her hit the road..

Plus she has 3 kids from another dude? How old are you? Do you really want all that baggage forever? Obviously some other dude was fed up with her crap and was smart enough to take off...

Seriously - she won't be changing anytime soon so if you think it sucks now, it's always going to suck.

[LS1 TA]

Unless you want to be miserable the rest of your life - I'd have her hit the road..

Plus she has 3 kids from another dude? How old are you? Do you really want all that baggage forever? Obviously some other dude was fed up with her crap and was smart enough to take off...

Seriously - she won't be changing anytime soon so if you think it sucks now, it's always going to suck.

I guess maybe you didn't read this thread entirely. The dude didn't take off, he died, big difference there. I'm pretty sure that's not what he wanted. Plus kids aren't baggage, they are people, and I kinda like them. That is what makes the descision harder.

[JeffM]

I guess maybe you didn't read this thread entirely. The dude didn't take off, he died, big difference there. I'm pretty sure that's not what he wanted. Plus kids aren't baggage, they are people, and I kinda like them. That is what makes the descision harder.

Ahh, sorry - yeah, I have a bad habit of only reading the first and last pages of threads

Ok, well then only you will know what to do in this situation.. I would still run if my girl got mad I went to hooters.. I can go to strip clubs and mine doesn't get mad - she knows I'm coming home to her.. I dunno.. All girls are different.

[LS1 TA]

Ahh, sorry - yeah, I have a bad habit of only reading the first and last pages of threads

Ok, well then only you will know what to do in this situation.. I would still run if my girl got mad I went to hooters.. I can go to strip clubs and mine doesn't get mad - she knows I'm coming home to her.. I dunno.. All girls are different.

No big deal, this is a pretty lengthy thread! If it wasn't for the kids and our families being involved it would be a no brainer.

[ConElite]

How old are you?

Much Much to young to be with a single mother with 3 kids. I understand its hard but its not worth it at ur age.

[FroSSty]

Let me start out by saying age doesn't mean squat. Its all about maturity level. I am 23, I have a 2 yr old boy and another on the way. I was married at age 19. We purchased our own home almost 3 yrs ago. I LOVE IT!!! There is not a day that goes by that makes me think I would rather be single dating. I know it is not for everyone but it works for us(and many before us). To each his own.

With the world we have to live in today it is no wonder woman feel they have to look a certain way in order to keep the eye of her man. My wife is a lot like your g/f. She has certain insecurities about herself as do most woman. You just gotta do like most have said and build her up. Make sure that she knows how you feel everyday. Going out on the town is fine once in a while but every woman will tell you that it is the small things that count. ie. The flowers for no reason, the care package when she is feeling blue, as simple as her favorite candybar sometimes... Challenge yourself with this everyday and you will reep the rewards. I once saw a truck with a post-it note on the steering wheel that read "Show the wife and kids you care"...It was just a simple reminder...

As for the rest, she may not tell you that going to Hooters and the strip club bothers her, but most likely, it will build up. I can just about guarantee you that she will eventually tell you that it upsets her. When she does, don't be shocked.

Much Much to young to be with a single mother with 3 kids. I understand its hard but its not worth it at ur age.

Dude it is obvious that it is not worth it for you, but did you read his last post? It seems so easy to see that from my perspective, you don't understand.

Do you really want all that baggage forever?

WOW!! I grew up with my older sister and younger brother and my single mom...I never thought of myself as baggage...... You do realize that he is probably the only guy those kids, oh i mean "baggage", will ever have to look up to right? And here you are trying to steer him away......... Think before you type bro...

.02 take it or leave it. IDC

[Joe 1320]

Let me start out by saying age doesn't mean squat. Its all about maturity level.

As I've always said....... It''s not the years, it's the mileage.